Anger, what is it good for? Absolutely nothing?
When I was a kid, I thought there were only three emotions people felt: happy, sad, and angry. I was fine with being happy. I learned to hide my sadness, but I was terrified of anger and told myself I could not feel it. I saw anger as explosive and dangerous, which made me feel unsafe. I decided I didn't need anger and would not show it. You see, I believed that anger was a bad emotion. My logic was that if anger is bad, perhaps even sinful, then if I feel anger, I am bad.
Fast forward to my late twenties, and the world was on fire. 2020 was the year - perhaps you remember it. The whole world was shut down due to COVID, and my internal world was being flipped upside down as I processed the political, racial, and economic events unfolding. One day, my daughter, who was 2 at the time, asked me for something, and I snapped. The reaction was over the top and scary. It scared her and me as I saw fear flash across her face. In that moment, I realized I'd spent years pretending I never felt anger. The truth was, I did—I just suppressed it until it became rage. That was when I started therapy.
Anger as an emotion
I wonder how many of us think anger is bad? Are told to avoid it at all costs? Try to hide it and pretend it doesn't exist? Conversely, how many of us show our anger, and that emotional expression leaves us feeling powerful and in control? For me, I was scared of anger because of how I saw it expressed. But that fear led me to suppress it in an unhealthy way.
Here are a few things I want to note about anger:
Anger is a signal.
All our emotions are signals telling us to pay attention. Something is happening. When we suppress or ignore our anger, we are missing something that we need to attend to. Anger is an important emotion that can help us pursue harmony by alerting us to address individual, social, and systemic injustices (Metcalf & Forbes, 2025).
Anger can be a way someone is trying to communicate.
A kid stomping their feet. A driver yelling after someone cut them off. Something has happened, and the child and driver are communicating something. "Hey, I'm overwhelmed! I don't want to stop playing!” Or, “Hey it wasn't your turn! Why can't you pay attention?!” An important note here is that anger is a common form of emotional distress for people who have experienced trauma and can be “exhibited outwardly in emotional reactivity or turned inward as deeply engrained self-hatred” (Captari, et al., 2024, p. 237). Often, people who experience trauma and are emotionally dysregulated communicate via anger.
Anger is shaped by culture.
I do want to also highlight that, culturally and societally, some people are not allowed to express their anger. Expressing anger can be seen as disrespectful. Societally, it is also often more acceptable for men to display anger than women. These factors impact how we navigate anger and its expression.
So, how do we have a healthy relationship with anger?
Acknowledge it.
For me, naming, “I am angry,” was my first step. That might seem trivial, but for me, this allowed me to be honest and name what I felt, which I didn’t do for years. Oftentimes, when we make
space for our anger, we’ll discover there are more emotions and feelings - deep grief, sorrow, disappointment, rejection. Seeking mental health support with a counselor is a great way to start to make space and process those emotions.
Make space for anger by slowing down.
Our bodies hold our emotions. As embodied people, we feel in our bodies, but we aren’t aware of them. Oftentimes, being aware of our bodies and what they are experiencing is the first step we can take. One great tool to use to get present to your body is doing a body scan. Lay down, if you’re able to, or sit with your feet on the floor and pay attention to what shows up in your body. Where is there tension? Tightness? Pain? Start with your head and work your way down to your feet. Fun fact: It is better to first practice this when you’re not angry. Once you practice this a few times, in moments of anger, you can breathe and conduct a body scan as a way to acknowledge where anger might be showing up.
So, anger, what is it good for? Absolutely nothing?
I’d argue it is absolutely good for us to notice it and make space for.
To learn more about Maria, please visit her bio page. She is currently accepting new clients and sees clients in person in Chicago and virtually via telehealth.
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References
Captari, L. E., Choe, E. J. Y., Stein, L. B., & Sandage, S. J. (2024). Trauma survivors’ spiritual struggles and the anger of hope: A practice-based clinical study examining links with mental health symptoms and well-being. Spirituality in Clinical Practice, 11(3), 235–249. https://doi.org/10.1037/scp0000376
Metcalf, O., & Forbes, D. (2025). Addressing the Double Bind of Women’s Anger After Trauma. JAMA Psychiatry, 82(5), 434–436. https://doi.org/10.1001/jamapsychiatry.2025.0030