Having a baby is such an exciting milestone. Welcoming a new person into your family, introducing them to their siblings, grandparents, and other loved ones brings so much joy. At the same time, having a baby can also be such a challenging milestone. Maybe your labor and delivery didn’t go as you had hoped. Maybe you feel restless and down being at home with your baby and away from work and your life as it was before. Maybe there’s friction with your partner, or it’s just hard to be a human who doesn’t get to sleep as much as you used to. Maybe you have other children to care for and it’s overwhelming to meet everyone’s needs.
In society, it’s often expected that we focus primarily on the positive parts of having a baby. If everyone is healthy, what is there to be except happy? But the reality of becoming a parent is almost always more complicated than that. While you readily acknowledge the love and joy of being a new parent, there are also challenges and complex emotions that accompany this major life transition. It can be hard to hold all of the realities together - the good and the bad, the beautiful and the brutal.
May is Maternal Mental Health month. This is a time to raise awareness about the challenges many new parents experience. According to Postpartum Support International, studies show that up to 1 in 5 women and 1 in 10 men may experience depression or anxiety during the perinatal (pregnancy, post-loss, and postpartum) period. While research shows that perinatal mental health disorders affect around 800,000 people each year, only 25% receive support.
Many parents and families suffer alone, often feeling embarrassed or ashamed and not realizing that these experiences are both common and treatable.
So how can you know what to expect in the perinatal period? How can you tell whether what you are experiencing after your baby is born is normal or might need more support? And how can you support other moms and parents in your life?
These are all great questions. First of all, it’s important to say that you never need a diagnosis to reach out for support. Acknowledging that you’re having a hard time and asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness - it’s actually a strength!
Being aware of risk factors and setting up a network of supports is a proactive way to care for yourself or other new parents you love. Some risk factors that make it more likely for a person to experience perinatal mental health challenges include a personal or family history of depression or perinatal depression, stressful life events (including having a high-risk or complicated pregnancy), drug or alcohol use, a lack of sleep, and less robust social supports.
It is common and normal for people who give birth to experience intense emotional swings, including sadness, in the days after giving birth. This is often called the baby blues.While these mood swings can feel intense and confusing, they differ from postpartum depression. The baby blues are characterized by intense emotions and mood swings in the first two weeks after giving birth. This is very common, with up to 4 in 5 birthing parents experiencing this in the early weeks.
Postpartum depression is different. Postpartum depression is a persistently low mood that impacts how a person is able to care for themselves and their baby, beyond the first two weeks postpartum. Early symptoms of postpartum depression can be things like feeling overwhelmed, sad, or irritable. It could be hard to get out of bed, or hard to care for yourself or your baby. You might feel this way most of the time, not just occasionally. Symptoms can vary from person to person, and sometimes your partner or close friend might notice these symptoms before you are even aware of them.
Postpartum depression and other perinatal mental health disorders also exist on a spectrum. Symptoms might be more or less severe. Other symptoms might include:
trouble eating and sleeping
anxiety, fear, and racing thoughts
feelings of irritability or rage
feelings of guilt, shame, or hopelessness
lack of interest in the baby and/or in things you used to enjoy
possible thoughts of harming the baby or yourself
These things can be scary! And going back to the way our society often focuses on only the positive parts of having a baby and being a parent, it can feel overwhelming and confusing to feel sad or struggle. It might feel like you’re not doing it right or you’re a bad mother.
The good news is that postpartum depression and other perinatal mental health disorders are common and treatable. It is not your fault, and with support you will get better.
Support can look like a number of things. Social support and practical help, such as prioritizing sleep, nurturing supportive relationships, asking for help, and finding time for yourself are often the first things to prioritize during the perinatal period.
When symptoms linger beyond the first few weeks and start to impact functioning, it’s important to reach out for professional support. Mental health counseling has a strong evidence base in treating postpartum depression and other perinatal mental health disorders. Working with a medical provider is also important to assess whether there are any underlying health concerns and to determine if medication might be an option.
Since May is Maternal Mental Health month, as you learn about the joys and challenges of the perinatal and postpartum period, consider how to best support yourself or a loved one. Below are a number of resources for further reading and opportunities for support and connection. Please remember that postpartum depression and other perinatal mental health disorders are common and treatable - reach out for more support today.
Rebecca Foster, MA, LPC is a counselor who specializes in working with clients across the perinatal stage of life. She sees clients in person in Evanston and Chicago as well as throughout Illinois via telehealth. You can read more about her on her bio page and reach out to her directly to explore working together at rfoster@springtreecounseling.com.
For further reading:
Baby Blues vs. Postpartum Depression - What’s the Difference?
Resources for support and connection:
Postpartum Support International has a number of free resources, including free peer support groups and free postpartum planning classes.
National Maternal Mental Health Hotline: Text or Call 1-833-TLC-MAMA
Endeavor Health MOMS line (run by Chicago area mental health professionals): 1-866-364-MOMS