Post-Holiday Blues: Doubled Over or Plain Wrung-Out?

Has the excitement of what’s to come with holiday fun come to an end? The tinsel gone dull and the lights hopelessly tangled? Or perhaps the residue of time with family members who tax and exhaust still linger? Or the sum total exhaustion of working hard to create special moments or to dodge anxiety-inducing interactions hit hard? Or perhaps the pain or longing connected to a past (or not so distant) loss tends to feel all the more acute this time of year. If you can relate to any one of these scenarios (or more!), you are far from alone. We know that joyful expectancy and eager anticipation of things looked-forward-to go a long way in supporting our mental health, mirroring the experience of hopefulness, or hope, a critical factor not only in sustained mental health and well-being, but in a deep and abiding conviction that life is worth living, and living fully.

But how does post-holiday recovery fit in? And how do we “beat the winter blues” just as the daylight hours are at their shortest (particularly for us folks living in the northern hemisphere) and the temperatures nearing their lowest? And when the likely thing to bring needed lift in the thawing and lengthening of both seems - and may yet be - months away? How do we honor and attend to what our hearts and bodies are expressing in the weight of the aftermath? Well, perhaps just that. We start by attending. Attuning and honoring, listening deeply within.

Psychiatrist Dan Siegel, Director of the Mindsight Institute and Author of Aware: The Science and Practice of Presence, suggests that attunement, the critical ability to “deeply notice, understand and respond to your inner states - emotions, thoughts, physical sensations and needs” with both nonjudgmental curiosity and compassion is key to reduction of stress and return to emotional equilibrium. In fact, one might say that this is a practice we do well to implement as a part of regular daily living; I like to call it listening within. So we begin by listening, attuning and attending to what we see, hear, notice and feel within ourselves. Quaker contemplative Parker Palmer says that listening within is sufficient for finding our way forward in many moments, in most all things. 

My own personal practice and one I routinely teach those with whom I work is what I call PNNPR (acronyms are a helpful memory tool for me): Pause, Notice, Name, Pause, Respond. Pause the rapid pace at which our bodies and minds often move, even at baseline. Slowing and lengthening the breath rhythm can help with this. Notice with nonjudgmental curiosity what your body, mind, and heart (the seat of emotion) are feeling and expressing. Name it, either within or out loud (I prefer out loud as it helps me to hear myself better), which authorizes and gives clearer definition to what you’re experiencing. Pause again, allowing what you notice and name to simply take up space in your consciousness, and welcoming it to do so. And finally Respond. In pausing to notice and name your internal experience, compassionately consider the invitation to response. Is my body expressing that I’m exhausted and in need of sleep, recharge or respite? Does my inner introvert feel overwhelmed by extended time and energy spent with others? Am I in need of emotional support around emergent grief? Perhaps I’m noticing the signs of anxiety or depression and the need for professional support in combatting its effects. The critical practice here is to listen within with both curiosity and lack of judgment, and then respond to what we hear and notice we need, and this likewise with the gentle touch of compassion. For many of us (myself included), this does not come easily or naturally, but rather takes the shape of a practice. An exercise. Thankfully we know that with practice we grow stronger and the exercise becomes increasingly more natural.    

You may be asking (as I myself often do), so what do I do with what I notice? How do I respond? Maybe it’s exhaustion you observe. Or depletion you notice. Or painful emotion pushing up through your chest. Or a tightness centered around your chest, shoulders or throat. Or perhaps a ball in the pit of your stomach. In our fast-paced cultural context and with presence and mindfulness quite difficult for many of us to engage for any length of time, simply attuning and attending to our inner experience is a significant win (or intervention, in clinical terms) in-and-of-itself. Recall the encouragement of Parker Palmer, that our internal experience is often a sufficient guide forward. Dan Siegel offers the metaphor of the Wheel of Awareness as a tool for fostering  compassionate self-awareness and mindfulness, drawing upon neuroscience and mindfulness research. Picture yourself at the hub, representing a position of intentional awareness, looking with nonjudgmental curiosity at various aspects of your life situated around the rim of the wheel. The model encourages us to consider these elements successively and with commitment to simply observe and be present to each in an intentionally compassionate way, without any pressure to fix, change or solve anything. Siegel’s research suggests that this can serve to profoundly reduce stress, increase integration between various parts of the brain responsible for regulating our emotional states, and increase a sense of inner calm and well-being. Why not give it a try? Click here for a step-by-step guide on various ways to practice this exercise.

Need support in learning how to listen well within? Consider scheduling a first session with one of our experienced clinicians by clicking here. We’re committed to practicing our own compassionate awareness and attunement, and will gladly support you in your own journey. 

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